Arizona: land of the sun(set)

It has been an adventure being new to an area.

We've already met some amazing people and have seen some amazing beauty.

I just started working for a local ballroom costume shop, and couldn't be more thrilled with who I am working with and what we are making! Russell is loving his job as well, it is tiring and he works long hours but he comes home genuinely excited that he has helped people. 

My little stock broker :).

We've been doing a lot of talking and a lot of research and are anxiously approaching some big life changes here in the next couple of months. We're just so happy to have each other and the love that we share.

I never get over how exciting it is to be Russell's wife. I just look at that man in awe and can hardly believe he was once the 17 year old boy I fell in love with. He's so steady and honest. The best. Man, with that consistency I'm certain I could do anything...go and be 'new' anywhere with him and it would be the greatest adventure of my life.

Fertility Friday: Nature Throid

This is my third week on Nature Throid, having switched over from Levothyroxin. 

The doctor will be calling next week to check in on symptoms. 

I just get to tell them that my hair is STILL falling out.

But, on the bright side, I do feel a difference with the vitamin D.

That's about it.

Fertility Friday: Acupuncture

Since opening up my acceptance to non-conventional, non-westernized methods of approaching this whole fertility thing, I started seeing an acupuncturist. I had read a study that supported the use of acupuncture in conjunction with other fertility treatments as beneficial, so I figured why not. 

Weird, right?

I was pretty nervous because, well, someone was going to stick needles all over my body and from any pictures of acupuncture I've seen, there are just needles everywhere and your in your skivvies and whatever. But it wasn't like that at all. 

I got to my appointment 15 - 20 minutes early, just like going to any clinic/doctor for the first time. Filled out the same paperwork: how old are you, what are you symptoms, when was your last cycle, blah blah blah. I feel like I should just have an infertility resume that I can just give them so I don't have to fill it all out again. 

Oh, yes, I have experience in consecutive treatment cycles and over 5 years of experience with hypothyroidism, I think I'm a perfect candidate to frakin be pregnant already!

anywho...

The acupuncturist just went over all the paperwork with me again, took my pulse, looked at my tongue, and then had me hop up on the table laying on my back with a pillow under my knees. He sterilized each area where the needle would be going and then just popped them in there. He put 2 -3 in each foot and each leg, 2-3 in the back of each hand and 2-3 on my forehead and 2-3 in my hair in a line straight back from my nose. 

He had warned me that I might feel an 'electricity sensation' running up and down or itching or heaviness but I really didn't feel anything. If I wiggled it just felt as if something was brushing up against a hair. There was the tiniest of pinches on one of the ones he put into my hand, and one of the ones in my forehead made my forehead tighten up for a few minutes at first but other than that, I really didn't feel them and it wasn't uncomfortable or painful at all. He  had me hang out for 10 minutes and then came back in and 'stimulated' the needles, it just felt like he twisted them, which didn't hurt either. I hung out for another 10 minutes, he came in and took all the needles out and told me to just take my time getting up because some people feel dizzy. 

I didn't feel anything really, I felt relaxed but I was just focusing on my breathing for 20 minutes so it may just have been from that. I did, however sleep like a log the night after, which he said I would, so if nothing else, that was awesome :)

I go back in the first week of December for my second round, we're going with an every other week thing since I'm still getting things figured out with my new doctor. But, from my first experience I'd say acupuncture is a potential thing that definitely doesn't hurt and worst comes to worst you get some extra meditation time. 

Fertility Fridays: Liquid Sunshine

All of my blood work came back really quickly and I was able to get back in to see my doctor yesterday. From all of the results everything was in a normal range, although potentially not 'optimal' for me specifically.

The one glaring result that my doctor was concerned with, was my low levels of vitamin D. The 'normal' range for vitamin D levels in an adult female is between 30.1-100.0 ng/mL and I'm limbo-ing low under that bar at 19.5. 

I'm familiar with vitamin D, and I know that vitamin D3 is the best to take. I started taking vitamin D last winter to help chase away the winter blues and it did a great job. However, once the sun came out, and after I moved to Zion and worked outside, and especially since moving to the sun state, Arizona, I've become incredibly lax in my vigilance towards my vitamin D routine. My doctor said that a lot of people in the Northern Hemisphere are vitamin D deficient (D for deficient, I guess) and that I should be taking 5000 iu's a day every day. 

She told me it should help with that 2 pm crash that leaves me wanting to sleep the day away and my apathy. (Funny story, I guess my 'depression' manifests itself more as apathy than actually weepy, moody depression...this explains a lot...sorry house, dishes, laundry, sewing...everything).

As I do, I googled the link between vitamin D deficiency and fertility and found several studies that claimed 93% of women facing infertility have a vitamin D deficiency. 

Say what? 

Why has no doctor ever tested my D levels before? 

I also learned that vitamin D is fat soluble whereas most vitamins are water soluble and that vitamin D, although a vitamin, is actually a hormone as well. And that the whole dang shebang is pretty much the vitamin equivalent in function to the thyroid, it controls/contributes to the function of EVERYTHING. Awesome, right? So thyroid on the fritz? Strike one. Vitamin D levels also on the fritz...you're just driving a fertility lemon at this point.

So, summary for all that, I'm taking 5000 iu's a day in conjunction with switching my levothyroxine over to nature throid at a slightly higher than equivalent dose to what I'm on now.

Bikram Yoga: Or the most I've EVER sweated in my life.

Thankfully, my instructor was gracious enough to cover a little bit more. 

I mean, at least they were shorts.

Yikes.

For my birthday my Mama Lady got me a month of unlimited Yoga. Bikram Yoga.

I've been practicing Yoga on and off for the last 5 years but I had never tried 'hot yoga' so I was excited for this opportunity.

As soon as I walked in the studio my first thought was...it freaking stinks in here, why did they use carpet instead of an easier to disinfect surface. OH MY GOODNESS ITS SO HOT! 

Namaste, right?

So I squelched my panic and rolled out my mat in the beginners section, like instructed, and laid down regretting coming into the studio 10 minutes early and just hung out in savasana. Just trying to convince myself I wanted to be there.

Now, I'd subject that Bikram yoga is a lot more like Pilates than the 'yoga' I was used to. The instructor claps his hands, doesn't necessarily do the poses so much as just instructs them and over all I would say (ugh, without trying to sound to ohm about it all) less of a spiritual/meditative environment.

The poses weren't necessarily difficult if you factored out how stinking slippery-sweaty EVERYTHING is. I was actually amazed how much I sweated during the class. About ten minutes in and my legs were mimicking weeping rock. By the end of class it literally felt as if I had just gotten out of the shower. A salty, yucky hour and a half long shower.

I made sure to hydrate well the day before and the hours leading up to my session. I ate a good breakfast that morning and I banana about an hour before I went in at 2:30 but still, towards the middle (I hope it was the middle, an hour and a half turns out to be a REALLY long time) of the practice my vision started to get a little dark around the edges. I didn't feel dizzy, which I would expect with starting to black out, but I decided to hang out in child's pose for a bit. After watching a couple other people take breaks, I noticed that no one was going into child's pose to rest but just sitting down with their legs out or laying on their backs, so I just followed suit with that.

45 minutes in, I was sure the class was almost over. Nope. So I'm hanging out back there sipping water and trying not to look like a totally goof when the instructor decides to say "Hey! It's Cambra's birthday today! Let's all sing to her while in triangle pose"

I shook my head and mouthed 'please, no' and 'that's ok' but whatever, I guess.

So 20 something sweaty, tired bodies sang happy birthday to me and I don't know if I could feel any more ridiculous.

Anyway, my goal for the class was to ... get through the class and I accomplished just that. Afterwards I felt really great and I slept like a rock last night. I feel a little bit like someone injected my body with lead, but I'm not really sore. I'm supposed to go back for my second class within 24 hours...so I'll have to do that after my acupuncture appointment today.

Yea, acupuncture, who the heck am I?

I'll let you know how that goes.

27 Goals for the 27th Year of Life

Birthday outfit and puppy bites. sweet.

Welp, I'm officially over the fence-sittin age of 25 and have been plunked firmly in my 'late twenties'. ew.

In celebration of my 26th birthday, and...eagearness(?) to fully claim this 27th year of life:

27 Goals for my 27th Year of Life:

1. Have a baby (ugh, seriously though)

2. Go to the Ocean

3. Get my sewing space organized and functional

4. Make my bed every day (about time, yea?)

5. Regain my flexibility to do a full forward fold.

6. Regain flexibility to extend into a solid 'bird of paradise'

7. Quit carbonation (again) (RIP Slurpies)

8. Complete a multi-pitch climb without crying

9. Be able to complete 10 respectable push-ups in a row 

(I did my first legit push-up in my entire life this year, haha, yikes)

10. Listen to/read 3 talks from LDS.org every week

11. Attend the temple once a month

12. Keep my heart and mind open for more opportunities to serve

13.  Start/Finish my teaching certificate

14. Make something for my home

15. Sew Russell an awesome button up shirt 

(must be awesome to qualify)

16. Watch the sunrise with Russ

17. Throw a New Years Eve party

18. Prepare my first Thanksgiving dinner by myself

19. Have a real Christmas tree! 

(This is our year, I can feel it!)

20. Finish writing that darn book I've been running away from

21. Teach Echo a new trick

22. Sign up for and run a 5k

23. FINALLY acquire my dream white bedding

24. Try a food I've never tried before

25. Go on a boat

26. Leave the country 

(I'll come back, I promise)

AND

27. Complete foster care training to see if it is a right fit for us.

Fertility Friday: Second Chances

After experiencing the harshness and hot flashes that is Western medicine's approach to fertility treatments, the last couple weeks I have been looking into more natural approaches. 

Am I shunning another round...or seven... of clomid or femara? 

No.

Am I anti IUI or IVF?

No.

What I am, at this point in time, is looking to give my body a second chance. 

I'm giving my body back the full confidence that it can do this. I can do hard things. My body can also accomplish hard things. 

I've always been the type of person to 'get over' a cold on my own, or tough out a headache, etc.. I never wanted to have to take ibuprofen, or any other medicine for that matter, if my body could work through it by itself. When I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, it took me several solid months to come to terms with the fact that I had to take a pill, every.single.day for the rest of my life to help my body just function how it was supposed to, not to even mention get pregnant.

I know that taking a tiny pill isn't a hard act, and that others have it so much harder than I do. It was just the idea that I wasn't able to do it on my own. My body couldn't even do what it was supposed to be doing. Maybe its a commentary on my confidence, but it was really difficult for me to get used to needing daily medical intervention. (Even though it was small intervention).

After the thyroid medication came more pills, clomid, femara, metformin, others I don't even remember the name of. And the more pills that came the more I accepted that my body was broken, that I couldn't heal or be capable of getting pregnant or carrying that pregnancy on my own. I felt entirely invaded at first. Not wanting all the pins and needles and questions about my body, intimate life, eating habits, exercise habits to be laid out for a stranger to examine and pass judgement on. 

I finally let go of the idea of getting pregnant as an intimate experience shared only by my husband and me. I came to terms with third and fourth parties playing a role in this part of my life that was never supposed to be theirs. 

But with that, I let go of the fact that it was mine.

 I was always conscious of eating healthy, being active and in general taking care of myself, but I approached my fertility with a blind hope that someday, somewhere, some doctor would give me the right pill, perform the right surgery, chance into the right timing and we would finally have our baby.

I had completely given up on thinking my body could do this, and I put blind hope into finding the thing that could. 

Maybe it is something that comes with age, or experience, but I've come to find out that doctors aren't always right. Am I a doctor? Do I have their training? No, and that isn't what I am trying to say. With the understanding that doctors aren't always right, or always 100% right, I have come to terms with giving my body a second chance.

I don't want another pill or injection to make this happen one time (Don't get me wrong, I'll take it if that's what I need). I want to heal my body and give it the attention, exercise, detoxification, sleep, timing, whatever, it needs to be able to do this. Or at least assist in this. 

So, I'm giving my body a second chance. I'm seeing a naturopathic doctor and next week I'm beginning acupuncture treatments. 

I want to say I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I don't want to just hope with crossed fingers anymore. I'm done being infertile, entirely over it. 

Its time to fight back.

Fertility Friday: Stop Naming Your Children...

Seriously though...

Maybe its just because we're Mormon and Mormons have babies. Lots of babies. Every one of them. Lots of Mormon babies. Which is awesome, don't get me wrong.

But, I sit here with a dozen names picked out for my hopefully future children and watch as they get plucked up one by one. 

Now we could play the hey, we are naming our kids XYZ so don't name your kid that (immediate family and cousins, close friends, you know) and play the whole guilt trip infertility card. 

"Yea, we've liked the name XYZ since we started trying to get pregnant...5 years ago, hopefully no one takes it. How far along are you again? Do you have a name picked out" 

Yea, not anymore you don't.

But, it just so happens that we have decided not to tell anyone our names we have picked out until we actually have the kid. Yea, we're going to be those obnoxious people. We just don't want other people's opinions on the matter. If we really like a name (that we already refer to our non-existent kids as  ((awww creepy cute))) we don't want to hear "ew, my cousin's, mom's, ex-boyfriend (who was really a jerk)'s, best friend's dog's pet kangaroo was named that and he bit me once. 

It is just one of those ridiculous things with infertility that we really can't do anything about. We can't tell our loved ones not to use 'our' names...that they don't even know...but by golly if the world could just hold their horses for one moment and stop snatching up the heaven babies and let one (or two, we don't care) come our way we wouldn't have to head butt you

...in our heads...

 when we hear you've named your kid the name we've been holding onto for years.

Easy as that.

For freeeee??

We've been slowly chipping away at furnishing our first 'post college' apartment.

We're still just about as frugal as it gets, wanting to spend our money elsewhere...

So, we scour Craigslist like its our job and the other day we found this:

Now, I know for a fact that this is a $40 Ikea cheap-o table, but peoples...it was free. 

So, yea, its mine now.

With a little bit of patience and $20 bucks we now have this happy green and gold little number:

Now on to filling those picture frames behind the couch...

Dear Nice/Obnoxious Neighbor

It is always nice to see you outside and have our same quick conversation where you are not so subtly trying to make me bilingual. 

This is not a big deal, I appreciate the effort but when you want to give me a half hour impromptu foreign language lesson...make it not the only time that day I need to be somewhere.

I really do like how much you love my dog. 

However, since you and your daughter have started over reacting, throwing your hands in the air (like you don't care) excitedly yelling his name every time you see him (including when you are inside or on your porch and he can't even get to you) he has started approaching every.single.person this way. He also has now thinks his name is Chiquito. Granted, he only weighs about 5 lbs, so him pulling on a leash isn't hard to manage but by golly its freaking annoying, especially when we have people over.

I can see from everyone he talks to you as they pass by that you are genuinely sweet to the whole neighborhood.

It'd "totes" be cool if you were outside to enjoy the perfect weather here in Arizona, just like the other 90% of our apartment complex with their screen doors open...instead of going outside to have your 15th cigarette for the morning. It just so happens that when you smoke on your porch, right under my porch, something about the air currents/wind/whatever pulls it all right up into my house. I now smell like a smoker without ever making that choice.

In conclusion, I will still make you baked goods if you stop riling up my dog, filling my house with smoke and making me late for the few places I have to go.

Thanksssssss.

Getting back on the sewing horse

My dearest friend Kait has provided me with some motivation to get sewing again. 

I'll be shipping these twirly-little-dresses-to-bes off to sell in her booth down in NC

I'm so excited for them to all be done!

15 to go....

Oh, and on the same note as making things again...We have more El Cap shirts on Etsy, check out my shop in the side bar!

Fertility Friday: Metformin

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that a doctor had put me on metformin. 

I also mentioned that they didn't really have a substantiated reason for doing so. 

I read about all of the horrible affects of Metformin, along with those who claimed no side affects whatsoever. Well, lucky me I'm touting with the bunch who claim 

'this frakin sucks'.

I started metformin around the same time I was finishing up my last extravadance at the costume shop.

(*read* 50 hour work weeks and late late nights mixed in with finals) and around the same time as our last round of Femara.

Let me just tell you how excited a pill-a-phobe like me was to be on both a cancer drug and a diabetes drug at the same time all in the name of having babies. 

I was  not. It scared the whits out of me honestly.

I'm still grappling, at times more than others, with not being able to just 'get pregnant' without some sort of medical intervention. I mean, I don't even like taking Ibuprofen, so this whole pill popping business is not something I'm too keen on...but if it's what will work, I'll do it every day for the rest of my life.

Anyway, back to Metformin. My doctor mentioned that for women with PCOS, Metformin has helped substantially in their ability to conceive. (*note* he didn't say that I had or didn't have PCOS, he just kinda threw that out there) He also said that in fertility testing, Metformin had positive affects that they weren't really sure how they came about, so I should just start taking it to see what happens. 

I started out with 1 pill in the mornings to get used to it, starting at 500mg for the first week or two. I did just that and every day felt a range between sort of sick for the majority of the time to please shoot me in the head and don't you dare block my path to the bathroom sick. It sucked. Psychologically it especially was hard because I was most sick in the mornings and at night, so every morning I woke up to imagining my 'morning sickness' of sorts wasn't due to me taking some random drug but that maybe...just maybe...

So, that was great.

After the first week, I tried taking a pill in the morning and at night and it nearly debilitated me. I don't know what it was about that up in the dosage but I was sick ALL THE TIME. Full on sweating, running to the bathroom, laying in bed, sick. I talked to my doctor about this and he said to just go back to taking the one pill in the morning, because one was better than none. Even though he gave me no specific reason why it was 'better' at all. Ugh.

After taking the one morning pill for 2 - 3 months and having nothing happen, especially after my polypectomy I was just done feeling sick. Especially since I was guiding canyons and ATV tours and other hour+ long activities with no access to a restroom, for the summer...so I just stopped. I still have refills on the prescription and I still look at it from time to time and research it now and then but I just don't see myself going that route again...

as always, we'll see. 

Happy Halloween! and Thanksgiving...and Christmas...

We totally plan for Halloween all year, and would never dream of going to the dollar store an hour before the costume party to buy random objects for a costume.

Happy Thanksgiving Christmas Halloween!

...

From all of us :)

With the perfect colored scraps from some chairs I'm recovering...I couldn't resist!

Little Gentleman....

When you find that bright eyed boy that will both help you make breakfast and do the dishes afterwards...all while wearing an apron and button up shirt...

you know you've found a winner:

Nephews are fun :)

Fertility Friday: Saline Ultrasound

Disclaimer: if you are sqeemish, or easily grossed out 

DO NOT READ THIS POST 

:)

its just too funny/humiliating/I've-so-been-there-you-can-make-it-through-too 

to not post. 

I mentioned in my last fertility friday post that I had a saline ultrasound/sonogram/SIS done several months back and it was an experience that I was in no way prepared for....

So if you are where I was 6 months ago and scouring the interwebs for an honest account of what that little procedure is like....here's my account.

Let's be honest here, this procedure was one of the most painful things I have ever felt in my life.

I bebopped my way into the doctor's office with Russ in tow, we filled out the ever present paperwork, they weighed me for the forty-millionth time and I changed into my favorite 2013 accessory, the paper robe. 

I had had several intra-uterine ultrasounds previously and didn't really think anything of this one. I hadn't been told to expect anything and wasn't instructed to prepare in any specific way except to come in while I'm still on my period (super gross, I know).

Anyway, I pop up onto the table and my trusty hubs is sitting by my side everything starts out similar to a pap, when the Dr. warns me they they are 'sanitizing my cervix', poetic, no? That wasn't necessarily painful so much as just uncomfortable and cold.

The proceed with more poking and prodding when they inform me they will be injecting the saline and I will feel 'a little pressure' (What is this, the dentist?)

Cue full blown intense menstrual cramps/contractions. All I could do was cover my face with my hands and breathe through the pain the nurse kept saying things like 'you're doing great' 'we're almost done' and other such things that reminded me of every bubbly blonde exercise instructor I've ever met...and didn't care for. 

About ten minutes into the procedure, positioned in the no-hiding-spot-for-shame way all too familiar to someone going through infertility testing (REALLY STOP READING HERE haha) in the midst of the fog of pain pressing on my brain I realize. I'm going to poop. Now. On this man. I am going to poop right now on this doctor. With all the pressure and pain and what not, my body just decided that this would probably be some sort of solution to the goings on.

Now, don't go assuming that I pooped on this doctor and assistant. I can proudly say that I did not. But, I do consider myself a considerate person and as I'm laying there fearing the most embarrassing thing in my entire life is about to coincide with one of the most painful things in my entire life, I realize...I've got to warn these poor souls.

...

me: "I...uhhh...I"

Dr: "Everything all right? You're doing great."

me: "yea, umm. I'm going to poop"

Dr. "What's that?

me: "I really, I don't know how else to say this but I don't want to poop on you"

Dr and Nurse: laughing "Oh, it wouldn't be the first time!"

me:....

Whhhaaaattt????? 

Now I'm all about connecting especially with experiences, but there is no way that I was going to join the ranks of those who have pooped on another human being while it was still within my power not to.

...

I have never in my life been so proud of my self control. I would have never been able to look at those doctors ever again.

Bonus though...after the ultrasound they realized they didn't tell me to take pain meds before hand, gave me a horse-sized pain pill and a capri sun. Also, in my experience once the procedure was over the pain was over, no cramping afterwards.

yep, so....now you know that. 

Good luck with your SIS.

Sas Love

No matter how many ways I take a picture of this pillow, it never looks nice.

I guess you'll just have to come over and see how nice it actually does look on my couch.

And I will tell you how the trim for this pillow was only .25 cents a yard.

And I will tell you of my new-found yet undying love for Sas fabrics.

---

And we will go there and revel in textile bliss.

Fertility Friday: Polypectomy TMI for the squeemish

Our most recent (even though this was 6 months ago) breakthrough with our little fertility journey here was back in April. 

We were packing up to leave Rexburg and were rounding out our last visits with a Dr. we had found that we liked that we were just getting to join in on our desire to investigate what may be wrong instead of just throwing pills at it....which he still did and stuck me on metformin for several months...but I'll write about that later.

He ended up performing a saline ultrasound which was an experience I would rather forget, and would rather have been warned as to the pain. Even a little, 'oh...we'll be putting your body into some minor to mid-range contractions today...maybe take an ibuprofen before you come' would have been a nice heads up.

The ultrasound revealed that there was some fluid escaping into my abdomen and, although not as accurate as an HSG (let's please just never....), indicated that my tubes were clear and shouldn't be any impediment to us getting pregnant. He also found what he said may potentially be an intra-uterine septum and we scheduled surgery for the following week.

Note to fellow infertiles....maybe don't schedule minor surgery the same day as your very last college final exam and the day before you move to another state...maybe...but you probably already knew that.

I had read some horror stories about polypectomies and septum removals so I was a bit nervous. Thankfully, everything went just fine. Aside from the awkwardness of having three people poke and prod around my nethers, it really wasn't a painful or 'violating' experience as I had read many women felt. They gave me some painkillers and a local anesthetic, they told me to just relax because I wouldn't remember anything later but I pretty much remember everything...mostly just staring at the ceiling and waiting.

When everything was said and done, they told me they removed two pea to kidney bean sized polyps. The only side affects I had after the surgery were, after they removed the IV I was pretty shaky and had some pretty violent shivers, but they said that was normal. I spotted a little bit that day but that was it. The doctor seemed very optimistic that this would be the answer to our fertility issues...but still not being pregnant 6 months later leaves us feeling pretty hesitant to believe that.

On the bright side, before the surgery I had pretty painful and heavy periods. My first period after the surgery was kind of scary and heavy but every one after that I hardly get cramps and they are much easier to deal with. So, even if it wasn't the answer we were hoping for, it was still absolutely worth the time. 

Obsessed: Rustoleum Textured spray paint

The DIY projects are coming along strong here in Casa de Gordon!

One of my recent finds that I'm using in probably too many places around the house is this awesome textured spray paint. I'm a big fan of iron details (not so much curly, fleur de lis sort of iron, more industrial and minimalist?) but they are hecka espensive.

So, we've just been buying whatever shaped/functional item we can find at the lowest price and coating it with this awesome stuff. 

We found a great little whale statue for our bathroom last year, so we've been sticking with the theme. Recently, we found a rusty, oddly matted, watercolor of a whale at one of the many local Goodwill stores. The matting was a faded blue color and to match our bathroom it had to all be black, so I pretty much slathered the whole thing (cardboard matting included) in this rustoleum paint.

Someday I'll actually take a before picture.

2 years with you

Dear Russell, 

Our children will have your patience and kindness.

They will have your blue eyes and your dimples.

They will have your passion and your drive for adventure.

They will have your ability to love with everything they have.

They will have your laugh.

 They will surely have all the good you possess, and all the good you bring out in me.

And I, I will have you.

Happy anniversary love.

Honey I shrunk the dog...

We've been in such a revamp/diy/fix it up mood lately...

Echo couldn't help but get in on the fun. 

He was so fluffy!!

A little revamping...

We're getting things settled slowly but surely in our new place. We've been ransacking discount furniture stores, thrift stores, craigslist and pretty much any other venue we can find a deal in. The two latest projects we've completed is a chair and a dresser for our bedroom:

Before:

We found the chair at a Goodwill (checked thoroughly before it even left the store, the idea of bed bugs freaks me out to no end) and the dresser at Saint Vinnie's

One coat of Martha Stewart-Glidden Duo "Winter Day" later we ended up with these:

After:

We're super excited about the color and how they turned out. We only ended up using about 1/3 of the small can of paint we had purchased. 

Fertility Friday: Cutting out the crap

Through this process of figuring out what is or isn't affecting us not being able to get pregnant, we have seen a dozen or so doctors. One thing that they always throw out there but never really investigate is the possibilities of PCOS and pre-diabetes. Now, I would say I am of 'average' stature when it comes to weight.. of course I'm taller than average at 5' 10" but with my family history and all that wonderful stuff doctors always give me a parting...avoid refined carbs, avoid dairy, avoid soy, avoid yadda yadda yadda...

SO! In attempts to avoid the plague that is apparently eating in America we are cutting out gluten, soy (didn't really eat much to begin with..that we know of..) and refined carbohydrates. I'm still pushing the line on a lot of high glycemic index foods...but one step at a time I guess. 

With all of that being said, here is our first weeks menu:

Day one: Quinoa minestrone

Day two: Black bean tacos 

Day three: mixed green salad with hard boiled eggs

Day four: veggie burgers in lettuce wraps

Day five: Brown rice "pizza" bake

Day six: vegan sushi

Day seven: Butternut squash ravioli 

I'll let you know next week how it all goes!

Fertility friday: hypothyroid

In early 2008, I was going to school full time and working part time. I'd be at school fromseven in the morning to around 4 in the afternoon. I would get my homework done and get my house in order. during that semester at college, I had quit taking my birth control and Started to not not try to get pregnant. After about a month I noticed I was extremely tired. At thid point I was carrying 20 credit hours and working full time, so I just chalked my fatigue to being overworked. Then I noticed my hairFalling out in what felt like terrifyingly large amounts. On top of this, I began to experience depression and severe brain fog. The brain fog is what finally sent me to the doctor to get checked on. They had me take a glucose intolerance test and drew Blood to test my hormone levels. Sure enough, the results came back that I was hypothyroid. I began taking 50 of levothyroxin and only within the last 6 months have I been bumped up to 75 mcg. As Of now, all my levels are normal, but my hair still falls out and I'm always a little spacey. Russ and I will be seeing a specialist in the next couple months, itd be nice to get more details about my other thyroid levels, which no dr seems to test for.

Homesick

It has been a busy month!

I left Zion on a stormy weekend and headed down to Arizona to start getting things settled for our big move. I found our apartment and the day we went to sign the papers, it fell through. Bummer.

However! We found a much better apartment and signed the papers. We move in on Monday. 

My oldest little brother, Jaron, and his wife had a brief commitment ceremony in Mesa for her family, which we attended then headed home for Zion. 

On our way home, literally in the middle of nowhere, raining, no lights, we found a man sitting on the side of the road with a broken shoulder and a broken motorcycle. He had lost control and skid off the road. Aside from his shoulder he was totally fine. We waited with him for several hours as his tow truck came. 

We spent an all too quick weekend together before my family came through on their way up to Idaho. I rode up with them to attend Jaron and Hannah's sealing which went beautifully. 

I fly home tomorrow and can't wait to see my husband and pup, I'm so excited!

Finding Hope in Transparency

I've struggled with infertility for a little over 5 years now.

I have somewhat mentioned this, alluded to it, and even gone into detail for those who have asked. Over the years, I have found myself reaching out to people in the same situation--searching out people through blogs, youtube, online communities and forums, etc.

Time after time, I run into posts or threads that I relate to, but are years old. 99% of the people's channels I find on youtube are now currently posting "How to decorate your nursery 101" videos.

At times I am nearly convinced that I am the last infertile woman on earth! 

So, in hopes for finding hope, providing hope, hoping for hope, what have you...I'm going to be a little more transparent here on the blog with my journey, some past experiences and maybe a venting session or two, we'll see. 

so, from here on out...

Fertility Fridays

Sewing in small spaces

Working at the Costume Shop has spoiled me rotten.

When I try to sew in my small (see >200 sq. foot) home, I get fidgety and frustrated. Everything seems to take three times as long and it always seems that I run out of the thread, interfacing, fabric, or needles that I need.

Living an hour and a half away from the nearest fabric store also puts a damper on my ability to bounce back from an "I-can't-doooooo-this-anymore" meltdown.

BUT!

After much struggles, pinpricks and alterations....

I ended up with 2 dresses, 1 veil/head piece and a happy bride to be.

(more pictures to come)

I'll follow you into the muck...of Middle Echo

Don't even try and tell me you wouldn't follow that hunk of hubs into a mucky canyon. Farmers tan and all.

The hike up took us a little longer than we had anticipated, but we kind of mosied so it was our own fault, really. As soon as we entered the middle section of Echo canyon, we suited up and waded through the first pool. Russ was several yards ahead of me, when he stopped dead in his tracks and whispered for me to keep walking, but to be quiet. 

Knowing that a mountain lion was spotted at the base of Spry canyon (ok, so what if that was on the other side of the park) I thought "oh frick, I'm going to be mauled to death".

Instead,  pleasantly enough, we saw this guy:

After silently gawking at our little buddy for several minutes, we proceeded to a long corridor full of dried mud, pine needles and bark. I blazed ahead, only to be stopped by Russ grabbing my arm. 

"I think there's water under there"

...

Me: 'no way, its just from the last flash flood, its all dry"

Russ then proceeds to stomp on the nearest patch of muck and we see the whole corridor rise and fall a'la tremors. Fantastic, I think to myself.

"How deep is it?"

We found a large stick to fish around for the bottom with, but never found it. 

Double fantastic.

With the canyon walls being about 4 1/2 feet apart at this point we were able to stem a bit in attempt to avoid the nastiness. 

I, of course, fall and begin the most epic muck battle of my life trying to tread water while simultaneously clearing a solid foot of debris out of my way to swim through. Russell stood, successfully stemming, above me as I frantically doggy paddled my way through the muck and the mire, while he laughed his head off.

After stripping down in a clear pool to get the large bits of barks out of my wetsuit and swimsuit, we continued on our merry way. The longest rap was only 30 feet so we didn't have to fight a long rope through the canyon, which was awesome because almost every rap required us to be swimming while detaching.

It was an awesome day and a great experience to get my trust back in Russell's ability as a canyoneer since his recent near death encounter with the flash flood of the year in Pine creek.

I guess I can write that epic all out next time...

Catching up

I have all these things that I intend(ed) to write down on the blog but we've been settling in, napping together during lunch breaks, canyoneering, sewing and visiting Costco.

But, I'll fill you in on all that in some catch up posts to come.

Easter

These were supposed to look like bunnies...

we like cats better anyways :)

---

On a different note, we had a wonderful time with the little bit of family we have around eating dinner and laughing. It was a beautiful day. 

We celebrated by reading the first chapter of our brand new copy of Jesus the Christ and standing outside talking to our neighbors for way too long because noone wanted to leave this beautiful spring sunshine Rexburg has been throwing our way.

Days to be lost

Tomorrow is a big day for us.

But I keep thinking about today, and how a year from now...it won't exist.

Stuck in somewhere between a time stamped Sunday and heavy Tuesday, this day will very likely be one I'd let slip from memory. 

-

Even though we both woke up early and tried our best to convince the other to stay in bed. 

-

Even though I had a small opportunity to serve. 

-

Even though I laughed as Russ had a whole monologue about how he could tell the difference in a blind taste test between generic and name brand mac and cheese.

-


I wonder where I let all these days go...
The days in between.

And, I wonder if I need to slow down or if I just need to pay more attention to the dates and times that make up the space between the few moments I remember.

El Capitan

 

As part of my 26 goals for this year (...which some need to be amended, woops). I bit the bullet and made 20 of these bad boys (20! Yikes). 

Posted them online last night and found one sold this morning! 

WooT!

9 more me-made items to go and I've reached my goal for the year :). 

(You can check them out to the left!)

Interpretation

I'm a little obsessed with installations. 

Captivated by the organized chaos.

A collection of things that are all different even though they are all the same. 

Paper clips, tea saucers, glasses. 

All spaced out perfectly. 

I wonder what that says about me.