After experiencing the harshness and hot flashes that is Western medicine's approach to fertility treatments, the last couple weeks I have been looking into more natural approaches.
Am I shunning another round...or seven... of clomid or femara?
Am I anti IUI or IVF?
What I am, at this point in time, is looking to give my body a second chance.
I'm giving my body back the full confidence that it can do this. I can do hard things. My body can also accomplish hard things.
I've always been the type of person to 'get over' a cold on my own, or tough out a headache, etc.. I never wanted to have to take ibuprofen, or any other medicine for that matter, if my body could work through it by itself. When I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, it took me several solid months to come to terms with the fact that I had to take a pill, every.single.day for the rest of my life to help my body just function how it was supposed to, not to even mention get pregnant.
I know that taking a tiny pill isn't a hard act, and that others have it so much harder than I do. It was just the idea that I wasn't able to do it on my own. My body couldn't even do what it was supposed to be doing. Maybe its a commentary on my confidence, but it was really difficult for me to get used to needing daily medical intervention. (Even though it was small intervention).
After the thyroid medication came more pills, clomid, femara, metformin, others I don't even remember the name of. And the more pills that came the more I accepted that my body was broken, that I couldn't heal or be capable of getting pregnant or carrying that pregnancy on my own. I felt entirely invaded at first. Not wanting all the pins and needles and questions about my body, intimate life, eating habits, exercise habits to be laid out for a stranger to examine and pass judgement on.
I finally let go of the idea of getting pregnant as an intimate experience shared only by my husband and me. I came to terms with third and fourth parties playing a role in this part of my life that was never supposed to be theirs.
But with that, I let go of the fact that it was mine.
I was always conscious of eating healthy, being active and in general taking care of myself, but I approached my fertility with a blind hope that someday, somewhere, some doctor would give me the right pill, perform the right surgery, chance into the right timing and we would finally have our baby.
I had completely given up on thinking my body could do this, and I put blind hope into finding the thing that could.
Maybe it is something that comes with age, or experience, but I've come to find out that doctors aren't always right. Am I a doctor? Do I have their training? No, and that isn't what I am trying to say. With the understanding that doctors aren't always right, or always 100% right, I have come to terms with giving my body a second chance.
I don't want another pill or injection to make this happen one time (Don't get me wrong, I'll take it if that's what I need). I want to heal my body and give it the attention, exercise, detoxification, sleep, timing, whatever, it needs to be able to do this. Or at least assist in this.
So, I'm giving my body a second chance. I'm seeing a naturopathic doctor and next week I'm beginning acupuncture treatments.
I want to say I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I don't want to just hope with crossed fingers anymore. I'm done being infertile, entirely over it.
Its time to fight back.