Friday, October 25, 2013

Fertility Friday: Saline Ultrasound

Disclaimer: if you are sqeemish, or easily grossed out 

its just too funny/humiliating/I've-so-been-there-you-can-make-it-through-too 
to not post. 

I mentioned in my last fertility friday post that I had a saline ultrasound/sonogram/SIS done several months back and it was an experience that I was in no way prepared for....

So if you are where I was 6 months ago and scouring the interwebs for an honest account of what that little procedure is's my account.

Let's be honest here, this procedure was one of the most painful things I have ever felt in my life.
I bebopped my way into the doctor's office with Russ in tow, we filled out the ever present paperwork, they weighed me for the forty-millionth time and I changed into my favorite 2013 accessory, the paper robe. 

I had had several intra-uterine ultrasounds previously and didn't really think anything of this one. I hadn't been told to expect anything and wasn't instructed to prepare in any specific way except to come in while I'm still on my period (super gross, I know).

Anyway, I pop up onto the table and my trusty hubs is sitting by my side everything starts out similar to a pap, when the Dr. warns me they they are 'sanitizing my cervix', poetic, no? That wasn't necessarily painful so much as just uncomfortable and cold.

The proceed with more poking and prodding when they inform me they will be injecting the saline and I will feel 'a little pressure' (What is this, the dentist?)

Cue full blown intense menstrual cramps/contractions. All I could do was cover my face with my hands and breathe through the pain the nurse kept saying things like 'you're doing great' 'we're almost done' and other such things that reminded me of every bubbly blonde exercise instructor I've ever met...and didn't care for. 

About ten minutes into the procedure, positioned in the no-hiding-spot-for-shame way all too familiar to someone going through infertility testing (REALLY STOP READING HERE haha) in the midst of the fog of pain pressing on my brain I realize. I'm going to poop. Now. On this man. I am going to poop right now on this doctor. With all the pressure and pain and what not, my body just decided that this would probably be some sort of solution to the goings on.

Now, don't go assuming that I pooped on this doctor and assistant. I can proudly say that I did not. But, I do consider myself a considerate person and as I'm laying there fearing the most embarrassing thing in my entire life is about to coincide with one of the most painful things in my entire life, I realize...I've got to warn these poor souls.


me: "I...uhhh...I"
Dr: "Everything all right? You're doing great."
me: "yea, umm. I'm going to poop"
Dr. "What's that?
me: "I really, I don't know how else to say this but I don't want to poop on you"
Dr and Nurse: laughing "Oh, it wouldn't be the first time!"


Now I'm all about connecting especially with experiences, but there is no way that I was going to join the ranks of those who have pooped on another human being while it was still within my power not to.


I have never in my life been so proud of my self control. I would have never been able to look at those doctors ever again.

Bonus though...after the ultrasound they realized they didn't tell me to take pain meds before hand, gave me a horse-sized pain pill and a capri sun. Also, in my experience once the procedure was over the pain was over, no cramping afterwards.

yep, you know that. 
Good luck with your SIS.

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