Monday, May 19, 2014

11 Things No One Told Me About Being "Pregnant"

11 Things Nobody Told Me About Being 'Pregnant":
An infertile/adoptive Mama-to-be's Two Cents.

Not being too technical with the timing, I just wanted to share my two cents on what I have learned in the past 29th months of my being 'pregnant'.

1. 'Pregnancy' lasts longer than 9 months.
No, I'm not talking about the whole, 'didn't you know, pregnancy actually. like technically, lasts ten months??!". I'm talking about years. From that first hopeful pregnancy test, to a year later when you finally talk to a doctor, to three years later when the fifth doctor gives you that sympathetic look, shakes their head and says...'we just don't know whats wrong'. Anyone who dares tell you that you don't know what it's like to be pregnant, or to 'just wait till you're pregnant, you'll know', I give you full permission to punch them smack in the face.

(Not really though, because punching people is going to look
on your adoption home study.)

No, mama, you're pregnancy isn't the 'preggers, prego, pregpreg', stretchy pants (although, hell yea for stretchy pants) type of pregnancy. We're talking seperate but equal, and, my friend, it is surely just as tangible.

2. Your Hormones Will Go Crazy.
Clomid? Femara? hCG? FSH? hMG? GnRH?
Babe, you're hot flashing, night sweating, bloaty bloating, meltdown sobbing, craving binge-ing with the best of 'em.

3. People will give you really dumb advice.
No, like, REALLY dumb advice
"You've been trying for three years? Oh, I know how you feel. We tried for three whole months with our 5th and nothing worked! Until my aunt finally told me to just stay in bed for a little while, you know, *hehe* afterwards and BOOM! PREGGERS!" 

Oh em gee, if someone would have told me that BEFORE I went through a Hysterosalpingogram and polypectomy that.would've,been.RAD.


4. "Due Dates" are speculative.
Everyone knows someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who is infertile and/or has adopted and it happened like, so fast for them. So.Fast. They also know someone, who knows someone, who you get the idea, who got preggers RIGHT after they adopted.

There is no time frame for these things. Maybe it'll happen your first try, maybe it'll happen your seventh, maybe four years later, you'll get the call that your little's are waiting for you two states away.

Be strong mama. You can want to THIS-IS-SPARTA everyone who tells you to 'just enjoy this time' into a big black hole, but afterwards take their advice and feel the privilege that comes with getting to know your own heart in ways that only wanting and patience can make clear.

5. You can still get false negatives on an HPT.
Psh, they don't know you.
Throw those dollar store pee-oh-esses in the trash and spend your Washingtons on something for yourself.

6.  You're going to lose a LOT of sleep and have bat-poop crazy dreams.
Walk across the country barefoot with a boy scout group and you can have a baby?

Not to even talk about all the back lash from fertility medications, there are some long nights ahead of you. The discomfort of not know when they're baby will be home, if they're safe, where they are, if they know you love them, are enough to keep any mama awake at night.

7. There is really no excuse to gain extra weight
Go out with your girls, but just know, that food baby is allll you.

8. You have no idea what your little is going to look like.
Danger-Russ and I were both blonde-haired-SPF-lovers when we were little but we wouldn't be the least bit surprised to be tucking in little dark skinned beauties in each night.

9. You'll want to nest like crazy.
You'll peruse baby stores, craigslist, Ikea, anywhere really. But, not knowing who or when your little is going to get here makes nursery building pretty darn tough. You'll think about it though, and that's just fine. Pin those things you think are cute or helpful for your little miss or sir.

10. You really can't be sure just how big they are going to be.
My family has a pretty substantial history of big babies, my youngest brother was over 11 pounds. Just because you aren't pushing out that 30 lb toddler...or two, doesn't mean he didn't grow in you.

Sometimes babies are grown in mom's hearts, and not in their bellies.

11. All you will be able to think about is how badly you want to hold them in your arms and keep imagining the day when they finally get here.
You're a mama, that's just what mamas do.


So, Congrats, dear friend, on your pregnancy, be it 9 months or 90. Sometimes you'll feel so tired you want to give up and other times you'll feel on top of the world.
Enjoy it, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You're an amazing mama, and your littles will love you for it.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Waiting for the BIG wait

This is Echo's 'meet the puppy' page from our photo book we made for our future kids...


Remember how my second to last post was about us STARTING foster care/adoption classes? oh, hi, Well, we had our final home visit on Wednesday.

I knew Roxie wasn't going to scour my house or anything of that sort, but we spent all day cleaning and dusting and mopping and re-cleaning, nonetheless. 

She told us she'd be here around 4, so I was horrified when Russ insisted he had to go to the post office at 3:40 and didn't get home until ten past. 

It was honestly painless, for the most part. 

She came in and we talked for a little bit, while Echo tried to lick every square inch of her shin, then she checked the house. It wasn't nearly as extensive as the foster care check. She made sure we had our smoke alarms in place, fire extinguisher (which we didn't have but ran out and got that night), made sure we had an extra bedroom and checked to see that we had locks on the cabinets and a lock for medicines. We don't own any fire arms (don't go robbing our house,'ll be disappointed anyway) so there was nothing to check there...and that's really it. 

We then went over...the know, that dreaded adoption criteria list where you essentially feel like they are asking you just how good of a person you are. 

"Would you adopt a child with a developmental disability? Yes, No or Maybe?"
umm...we, uh, umm, no...
*notes: lacks compassion

"Would you adopt a child of an ethnicity other than your own? Yes, No or Maybe for each."
Yes, (double check with each other). Umm well that one might be a maybe...that ones a no...
*notes: racist

Granted, we know no notes were taken saying that we are un-compassionate racists, but gosh darn it! It was hard not to just stare at the ground when answering no to certain questions. All we can do is be honest with ourselves though...and sometimes honesty is hard.

We've been bouncing back and forth between if we are open to a sibling group of two, (and increased chance of bonding, but holy crow! Two kids right off the bat?? As well as a potentially shorter wait time...) or if we were going to hold out for a single child. It was a really hard decision and we're still reeling from the fact that we are now going to be listed on the registry as open to adopting two children. If it is a single kid, we want someone between 0-3 but for the sibling group...even though we hadn't really talked about going up to 4, our age range for siblings is for them to both be between 0 - 4. 

Roxie has 7 days from last Monday to submit our licensing information and then like 40 days (I forget exactly) from there to submit our information to the state to get our certification to adopt...and then we're live. She said she was essentially finished with our home study (luckily, we thought all paperwork had to be DONE by paperwork night, so we had everything handed in and got scheduled for our home studies, etc, pretty early) and between now and when we are actually hanging out on the registry, 

you know...just waiting for the call that will change our lives forever...
in about a month.

I keep going back and forth between not letting myself get too excited, or excited at all really, to can't contain myself "I'VE WAITED SEVEN YEARS TO HAVE CHILDREN AND ITS GOING TO HAPPEN!" and back to meh, if it happens it happens but we've felt failure with this before and we, it'll all be okay....


I'm sure everyone feels this way, but I have this nagging little hope that it'll be soon, like within the next 3 months that we get our call. But again, my heart gets all worked up over that thought and my brain/experience/need for emotional self preservation shuts it down pretty hard.

Anywho, this is getting long. The last 12 weeks have been crazy, especially the last month...and between the safety monitor thing (oh yea, we have an adorable, but teething and very active, 11 month old living with us for the next little bit) finishing up adoption stuff, Russ studying for the GMAT and in general...we don't see it slowing down anytime soon.