11 Things No One Told Me About Being "Pregnant"

11 Things Nobody Told Me About Being 'Pregnant":

An infertile/adoptive Mama-to-be's Two Cents.

Not being too technical with the timing, I just wanted to share my two cents on what I have learned in the past 29th months of my being 'pregnant'.

1. 'Pregnancy' lasts longer than 9 months.
No, I'm not talking about the whole, 'didn't you know, pregnancy actually. like technically, lasts ten months??!". I'm talking about years. From that first hopeful pregnancy test, to a year later when you finally talk to a doctor, to three years later when the fifth doctor gives you that sympathetic look, shakes their head and says...'we just don't know whats wrong'. Anyone who dares tell you that you don't know what it's like to be pregnant, or to 'just wait till you're pregnant, you'll know', I give you full permission to punch them smack in the face.

(Not really though, because punching people is going to look
cra-A-zay
on your adoption home study.)

No, mama, you're pregnancy isn't the 'preggers, prego, pregpreg', stretchy pants (although, hell yea for stretchy pants) type of pregnancy. We're talking seperate but equal, and, my friend, it is surely just as tangible.


2. Your Hormones Will Go Crazy.

Clomid? Femara? hCG? FSH? hMG? GnRH?
Babe, you're hot flashing, night sweating, bloaty bloating, meltdown sobbing, craving binge-ing with the best of 'em.

3. People will give you really dumb advice.
No, like, REALLY dumb advice

"You've been trying for three years? Oh, I know how you feel. We tried for three whole months with our 5th and nothing worked! Until my aunt finally told me to just stay in bed for a little while, you know, *hehe* afterwards and BOOM! PREGGERS!" 

Oh em gee, if someone would have told me that BEFORE I went through a Hysterosalpingogram and polypectomy that.would've,been.RAD.

freaking.rad.

4. "Due Dates" are speculative.
Everyone knows someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who is infertile and/or has adopted and it happened like, so fast for them. So.Fast. They also know someone, who knows someone, who you get the idea, who got preggers RIGHT after they adopted.

There is no time frame for these things. Maybe it'll happen your first try, maybe it'll happen your seventh, maybe four years later, you'll get the call that your little's are waiting for you two states away.

Be strong mama. You can want to THIS-IS-SPARTA everyone who tells you to 'just enjoy this time' into a big black hole, but afterwards take their advice and feel the privilege that comes with getting to know your own heart in ways that only wanting and patience can make clear.

5. You can still get false negatives on an HPT.
Psh, they don't know you.
Throw those dollar store pee-oh-esses in the trash and spend your Washingtons on something for yourself.

6.  You're going to lose a LOT of sleep and have bat-poop crazy dreams.

Walk across the country barefoot with a boy scout group and you can have a baby?
All.freaking.day.man.

Not to even talk about all the back lash from fertility medications, there are some long nights ahead of you. The discomfort of not know when they're baby will be home, if they're safe, where they are, if they know you love them, are enough to keep any mama awake at night.

7. There is really no excuse to gain extra weight
Go out with your girls, but just know, that food baby is allll you.

8. You have no idea what your little is going to look like.

Danger-Russ and I were both blonde-haired-SPF-lovers when we were little but we wouldn't be the least bit surprised to be tucking in little dark skinned beauties in each night.

9. You'll want to nest like crazy.

You'll peruse baby stores, craigslist, Ikea, anywhere really. But, not knowing who or when your little is going to get here makes nursery building pretty darn tough. You'll think about it though, and that's just fine. Pin those things you think are cute or helpful for your little miss or sir.

10. You really can't be sure just how big they are going to be.

My family has a pretty substantial history of big babies, my youngest brother was over 11 pounds. Just because you aren't pushing out that 30 lb toddler...or two, doesn't mean he didn't grow in you.

Sometimes babies are grown in mom's hearts, and not in their bellies.

11. All you will be able to think about is how badly you want to hold them in your arms and keep imagining the day when they finally get here.

You're a mama, that's just what mamas do.


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So, Congrats, dear friend, on your pregnancy, be it 9 months or 90. Sometimes you'll feel so tired you want to give up and other times you'll feel on top of the world.
Enjoy it, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You're an amazing mama, and your littles will love you for it.