Friday, November 14, 2014

6 hours...

We are meeting J. at a park with his foster mom and case worker in 6 hours.

I've been all excitement until about 2 days ago and now I am...


I have a million things to get done but all I can seem to do is pace around the house, exhale and be surprised at how hard my heart is beating. 

How does anyone keep their wits about them in this situation?


In so many ways it feels like the beginning. The beginning of growing our family. The beginning of actually parenting a child. The beginning of all of our lives together.


At the same time it feels like the end and the middle as well. We've wanted this for so long. It is an odd feeling to hold something so dear, yet so undefined, close to your heart and then one day have everything presented to you.  Here are the details of what/who you have been waiting for.

I'm nervous to meet my child and be introduced to him by a woman he calls mommy and who knows him better than I will for a long time.


How do I introduce myself to him? 

"Hi! I'm Cambra!"
"Hi J., I'm mommy Cambra"
"Hey stranger, I'm a stranger. Come live with us!"


Do I bring a toy?
Or will that set up expectations of gifts each time he sees us that we can't maintain forever?
Do I bring a snack?
When do we introduce our dog?


When will my heart come out of my throat and let me love you like I want to?

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